What did you just say to yourself?

Self-talk.  That thing that goes on inside of your head that is sort of almost subliminal.  It’s the way we talk to ourselves, about ourselves and others.  It’s the kind of thinking that can derail us.  We can go from a fairly pleasant mood to having a mini-meltdown in just a flash.  What’s up with that?

Here’s what typically happens.  We have an expectation of ourselves or someone else – and we or they fail us (we’re human after all, none of us are perfect).  Then we have a thought, “I’m just not good enough.”  “I am such a loser.”  “Why don’t they get me?  What’s wrong with them?”  Now think about it.  Are you going to stay with a pleasant mood or go somewhere else entirely if you say that to yourself?  Maybe into self-pity, maybe into anger and resentment, maybe a combination of those or a host of other self-derogatory thoughts and emotions.

In this season dealing with the fallout of the pandemic, being in social isolation, I think it might actually be easier to notice, identify and maybe even address this negative perception of ourselves.  Yes, emotions are likely heightened, but maybe that will help us to actually see them more clearly.  And it’s nice to have someone give you a pep talk - but we typically have difficulty accepting it. It works much better if we can give ourselves a pep talk.

Here’s how we address our thinking, thereby potentially circumventing some negative feedback loops:

·      Pay attention – just notice what it is you are thinking about yourself or others.  Make the connection between that thought and how you feel as a result of it. 

·      Don’t judge the thought or the emotion.  They just are.  You’ve been thinking and feeling this way for a long time.  It will take some practice to undo it.

·      Reframe or challenge the thought.  Typically, we call these affirmations.  Sometimes it is simply a shift in our perspective.  Gratitude is one of the best to utilize when it concerns others.

·      Notice how you feel if the alternative thought is believable.  Most likely you won’t feel so overwhelmed or angry. 

Here are a couple of examples:

• Negative thoughts:  “I can’t handle this!”  “This is too much!”  Emotions:  Overwhelmed, frightened. Affirmation:  “Life can be challenging.  I have persevered through challenges before.”  Or, “Challenges like this can lead to new possibilities.” 

• Negative thoughts:  “I can’t believe they didn’t clean up after themselves!!!! Expletive…”  Emotions:  Anger, resentment, self-pity.  Affirmation:  “I’m grateful they brought the dishes to the kitchen.”  “I’m grateful that I have my family with me.” 

• Negative thoughts:  “I’m too old.  It’s too late to recover. I can’t change at this stage.”  Emotions:  self-pity, fear, disappointment, helplessness.”  Affirmation:  “It’s never too late to change.”  “I can choose to do things differently now.”  “I deserve to change.” 

Get the picture?  Here’s the deal, you are going to potentially always have those negative thoughts flitting through your head.  But the beauty is – you don’t have to follow that line of thinking into a major derailment of your day or life.  When you notice the negative thought just counter it.  Talk back to yourself. 

I really appreciate this video from Wellcast on Automatic Thoughts. It’s a great example of how we get so easily off track, but also how we can stay on track in our thinking. I’ve included my version of the chart they describe below too if you find that helpful.

Another coinciding idea is to actually insert your name when you say these things, like talking to a friend, coworker or family member.  For instance, “Denise, you can choose to take on that challenge.”  “Denise, you are accomplished and capable.”  Get the idea?  Say it out loud to yourself.  I know, we’re all in quarantine.  Maybe it takes going to the bathroom and turning up some loud music.  But saying out loud makes it much more effective.  And coming from yourself, with your own voice has so much more power than if a friend or loved one says it to you. 

Your showing up for yourself to counter the negativity with support and compassion is more critical than all the cheerleaders you have in your life.  Be your own cheerleader.  You owe yourself no less. 

Routine? What routine?

How establishing routines can be good for us

Routine  A sequence of action regularly followed; a fixed program. 

At this point and time, it is feeling a bit like all of our routines have gone out the window.  We’re trying to learn how to work from home, possibly juggling that with homeschooling, and doing more meal planning than we’d like.  Not to mention trying to figure out the best way to just acquire food and other necessities.  Do I risk going in the store or ask a shopper/delivery service to do that for me?  And can I even get a window for a delivery before I run out of….?

 Every day feels about the same.  I’m wearing my lounge around weekend clothes even during the middle of the week. (kind of our dream before all this, huh?) I’m not out running errands or meeting friends for coffee.  I’m spending way too much time on the couch.  Things feel wonky. 

 Here’s the deal.  In order to protect our mental health, we need to have some routines established – even when you have “nothing” going on.  It is critical during this time that we get something established in the form of a schedule.  Ugh!  Schedule?  Nobody likes that word, but we have to appreciate the fact that when our routine and schedules go out the window it leaves us feeling aimless and possibly helpless.  So, let’s get on this.

 Establish a regular wake up/bedtime.  Set your alarm and get out of bed. I know, nobody wants to do this right now, but it is super beneficial to have a regular sleep pattern. By now you have an idea at about what time you are naturally waking up – but rolling back over and going back to “sleep” is actually counterproductive and can impact our mood – and not in a positive way.  So set that alarm.  Keep in mind – you don’t have a commute now so yeah, it’s ok if you sleep later than you did when you were getting up to beat Austin traffic, but be reasonable about your sleep routines. 

 And…. Go to bed!  I know, we all have that sense that staying up late is kind of that privilege we get as adults that we were always envious of our parents or older siblings about when we were young.  But staying up until the wee hours is not good for our productivity or mood the following day.  So, start a bedtime routine.  Don’t watch the news after say 8 pm.  Turn off your electronics and hour before bed (unless it’s a Kindle – that’s permissible).  Read, listen to some music, have a cup of hot herbal tea, things to bring your energy level down.  (Check my earlier blog on sleep issues – lots of helpful tips there.)  By creating a bedtime routine, you are setting yourself up for a better day tomorrow.

 I think it’s important to do some type of devotional or meditation at the beginning of the day.  It’s a good practice to take time to get centered in God’s Word and know Who is actually in charge these days.  (And I don’t mean the World Health Organization).  Being able to turn things over to the one who is really in charge means that we can relax and trust that He will bring us through this.  If you need a way to find a devotional one of the best options is using the app or website YouVersion.   http://youversion.com/  They have oodles of devotionals and versions of the Bible at your fingertips.  Follow up your study with a time of prayer.  If you are uncertain about prayer - in Matthew 6:9-13 Jesus gives us a “formula” so to speak on how to pray.  You can take each part of The Lord’s Prayer and add your own unique situation.  Prayer is nothing more than simply talking. 

 Also, as part of routine…. Keep to a healthy eating schedule.  It’s easy to just nosh all day when the fridge and pantry are right there.  Eat your 3 meals a day with a couple of snacks if needed.  Eat early in the evening (again – a privilege of not sitting on the Mopac parking lot!).  The big weight loss talk these days is intermittent fasting.  The idea is that we need to give our digestive systems a break overnight.  If you can put more time between your evening meal (no evening snacking!) and breakfast you might actually be able to notice a difference in your waistline.

 Bringing me to exercise.  We’re all cooped up.  I get it.  But this is the perfect opportunity to start an exercise routine.  I know – I like my gym routine too.  But I’m really enjoying my walks these days and checking out all that Spring presents to us in the way of flowers and budding trees.  Just can’t see that happening?  Here’s permission to turn on YouTube and find some dance routines, or Pilates, or yoga of maybe even some Circuit workouts.  This is a great time to experiment and find out what you like.  

 Routines also include when you do laundry (Saturday at my house), when you shop (I know, that may be more up in the air, but you can create a ‘new normal’), when you do housework, and when you work or help kids with their school work.  When is “movie night”?  Set boundaries and limits on social media, shows, movies, video feeds, all of that.  And I get it.  Now and then during all of this we are going to need a “down day” when we aren’t burdened by all the to-dos.  But with some intentionality you can keep yourself from going down a rabbit hole into boredom and isolation.

 Part of your routine could be things like Online Church.  Nearly every church in the nation right now is putting their services online.  If you were in a habit of going to church and even if you weren’t, this is a perfect thing to create routine around.  We all need a Sabbath.  A day when it’s not about work, shopping or chores.  Be intentional about how you set up your Sabbath day.  Church, lunch (at the table – maybe with the china that’s only used on “special occasions” – how more “special” do we need right now?) with family members, maybe a walk together, and a video call or two to loved ones.  What a great way to go back into the New Routine of the week that you are establishing. 

 Routines work best as something that works as a guide for our days.  It doesn’t have to be a rigid thing.  Be flexible.  Sometimes you just aren’t going to be in the mood for or able to do things when and where you want.  So, it’s time to get creative and adapt but with a basic idea of what your overall routine is for the day and week. 

Self-soothing

Anybody else feeling it? Do you have that desire to just hang out all day in your pj’s? Eating a little too much? Spending a little too much? Snuggling your pets so much that they get tired of you? Wishing you could snuggle a stuffed animal right now and not feel it was “weird”?

No surprise! When we are feeling anxious we all look for things to self-soothe. Whether it’s Blue Bell calling your name from the freezer or watching The Office for the umpteenth time. We are all looking for something to help us to feel better. Something to help us feel less anxious.

Here’s the deal. There’s nothing really wrong with most of self-soothe tactics. We just have to watch out that it doesn’t go to far. We need some limits. I.e. - we still need to shower! (Please!) We need to be sure that we aren’t drinking to not feel. We need to watch the pocketbook and not go crazy on Etsy. Limits are needed, but self-soothing right now is necessary to get through these next couple of months.

So, have some ice cream - but maybe use that pretty small china dish or cup to have it from. You might get a little boost of enjoyment out of such a simple thing as pulling out the “off limits except for holidays” dish ware and exercise some portion control at the same time. Don’t entirely stop buying things (it’s good for the economy) but be careful that you aren’t creating a whole other issue for yourself. Wear cozy clothes - just make your bed and change when you get up.

And come up with some other self-soothes to replace the alcohol. How about a bubble bath? Listening to music? (I’m particularly enjoying worship music online by KLOVE or AIR1 these days.) Also, try coloring or drawing. My artistic young adult kids have pulled out all their old art class supplies and been really enjoying getting creative again. There are lots of printable coloring pages like this that you might try too. Light some candles in the evening. Take a walk and really take in creation. There are lots of meditation and scriptural meditation apps out there too. Spend time in prayer. Call a supportive person.

Here’s the bottom line. Self-soothing is about comforting ourselves. Right now - that’s what we all need. How do you comfort yourself?

How's your sleep?

I’ve been noticing that sleep is a bit more difficult during these days. Anybody else having that issue? Maybe your mind is racing when you go to bed and you just can’t shut it off. Maybe you are waking up at 3 a.m. and that hamster wheel is going like crazy. I noticed personally, that I was having nightmares last week. That’s not “normal” for me.

So, I decided to take my own advice and attend to my sleep. Below you are going to find a lot of the typical things you can do to try to help yourself develop and maintain some good sleep hygiene. But let me make another suggestion. WRITE! I suggest writing about things on a regular basis. I believe writing helps us to solidify things. I believe that it helps us to see the errors in our thinking and then assists us with changing those thoughts.

After 3 nights of nightmares I chose to take 10-15 minutes right before climbing into bed and writing. The way that I do this is to write down my prayers to God. I write down my concerns, my anxious thoughts, and my own efforts to do something about them. As I do this I feel that God is faithful to show up and remind me of His presence. He reminds me of all I have to be grateful for. He reminds me of the BIG perspective, not my own small view of things. As I do this I feel a sense of calm and peace. And guess what? No more nightmares!

If you want some more help with sleep, keep reading. The rest of this is material I’ve compiled over the years. #7 is very applicable during this time. I know this is a lot, but maybe you will find some tips here that may help you adjust some of your routines right now. Find what works for you. And yes, we need routines. More on that another time!

Falling asleep may seem like an impossible dream when you’re awake at 3 a.m., but good sleep is more under your control than you might think. Following healthy sleep habits can make the difference between restlessness and restful slumber. Researchers have identified a variety of practices and habits—known as “sleep hygiene"—that can help anyone maximize the hours they spend sleeping, even those whose sleep is affected by insomnia, jet lag, or shift work.

Sleep hygiene may sound unimaginative, but it just may be the best way to get the sleep you need in this 24/7 age. Here are some simple tips for making the sleep of your dreams a nightly reality:

#1 Avoid Caffeine, Alcohol, Nicotine, and Other Chemicals that Interfere with Sleep

Caffeinated products decrease a person’s quality of sleep. As any coffee lover knows, caffeine is a stimulant that can keep you awake. So avoid caffeine (found in coffee, tea, chocolate, cola, and some pain relievers) for four to six hours before bedtime. Similarly, smokers should refrain from using tobacco products too close to bedtime. Although you may have found that alcohol helped in the past to bring on sleep, after a few hours it acts as a stimulant, increasing the number of awakenings and generally decreasing the quality of sleep later in the night. Others report that marijuana is helpful for sleep, but it reduces the amount of REM and deep sleep (NREM3) that you get, thereby impacting the quality of your sleep. Return to substance use is not an option to help you sleep.

#2 Turn Your Bedroom into a Sleep-Inducing Environment

A quiet, dark, and cool environment can help promote sound slumber. Why do you think bats congregate in caves for their daytime sleep? To achieve such an environment, lower the volume of outside noise with earplugs or a "white noise" appliance. Use heavy curtains, blackout shades, or an eye mask to block light, a powerful cue that tells the brain that it's time to wake up. Keep the temperature comfortably cool—between 60 and 75°F—and the room well ventilated. And make sure your bedroom is equipped with a comfortable mattress and pillows. (Remember that most mattresses wear out after ten years.) Also, if a pet regularly wakes you during the night, you may want to consider keeping it out of your bedroom. It may help to limit your bedroom activities to sleep and sex only. Keeping computers, TVs, and work materials out of the room will strengthen the mental association between your bedroom and sleep.

#3 Go to Sleep When You’re Truly Tired

Struggling to fall sleep just leads to frustration. If you’re not asleep after 20 minutes, get out of bed, go to another room, and do something relaxing, like reading or listening to music until you are tired enough to sleep.

#4 Establish a Soothing Pre-Sleep Routine

Light reading before bed is a good way to prepare yourself for sleep. Ease the transition from wake time to sleep time with a period of relaxing activities an hour or so before bed. Take a bath (the rise, then fall in body temperature promotes drowsiness), read a book, watch television, or practice relaxation exercises. Avoid stressful, stimulating activities—doing work, discussing emotional issues. Physically and psychologically stressful activities can cause the body to secrete the stress hormone cortisol, which is associated with increasing alertness. If you tend to take your problems to bed, try writing them down—and then putting them aside.

#5 Don’t Be a Nighttime Clock-Watcher

Staring at a clock in your bedroom, either when you are trying to fall asleep or when you wake in the middle of the night, can actually increase stress, making it harder to fall asleep. Turn your clock’s face away from you. And if you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep in about 20 minutes, get up and engage in a quiet, restful activity such as reading or listening to music. And keep the lights dim; bright light can stimulate your internal clock. When your eyelids are drooping and you are ready to sleep, return to bed.

#6 Use Light to Your Advantage

Natural light keeps your internal clock on a healthy sleep-wake cycle. So let in the light first thing in the morning and get out of the office for a sun break during the day. Natural sunlight helps to promote a sleep-wake cycle.

#7 Keep Your Internal Clock Set with a Consistent Sleep Schedule

Having a regular sleep schedule helps to ensure better quality and consistent sleep. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day sets the body’s "internal clock" to expect sleep at a certain time night after night. Try to stick as closely as possible to your routine on weekends to avoid a Monday morning sleep hangover. Waking up at the same time each day is the very best way to set your clock, and even if you did not sleep well the night before, the extra sleep drive will help you consolidate sleep the following night.

#8 Nap Early—Or Not at All

Many people make naps a regular part of their day. However, for those who find falling asleep or staying asleep through the night problematic, afternoon napping may be one of the culprits. This is because late-day naps decrease sleep drive. If you must nap, it’s better to keep it short and before 5 p.m.

#9 Lighten Up on Evening Meals

Eating a pepperoni pizza at 10 p.m. may be a recipe for insomnia. Finish dinner several hours before bedtime and avoid foods that cause indigestion. If you get hungry at night, snack on foods that (in your experience) won't disturb your sleep, perhaps dairy foods and carbohydrates. One of the big recommendations these days is to put about 12 hours between your last meal of the day and your first meal of the next to give your body some “time off” from digesting. (And bonus…it’s supposed to be helpful for weight loss. Check out intermittent fasting.)

#10 Balance Fluid Intake

Drink enough fluid at night to keep from waking up thirsty—but not so much and so close to bedtime that you will be awakened by the need for a trip to the bathroom.

#11 Exercise Early

Exercise helps promote restful sleep if it is done several hours before you go to bed. Exercise can help you fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly—as long as it's done at the right time. Exercise stimulates the body to secrete the stress hormone cortisol, which helps activate the alerting mechanism in the brain. This is fine, unless you're trying to fall asleep. Try to finish exercising at least three hours before bed or work out earlier in the day.

#12 Put Worry to Bed

Take time during the day to deal with unresolved issues, problems, concerns and conflicts. Plan activities for the next day before going to bed. Leaving these thoughts for bedtime will cause the mind to race. This interferes with your ability to fall asleep and experience quality sleep. Use journaling to process these thoughts and give yourself a time limit to worry.

#13 When it just isn’t working

If you are unable to fall asleep after 15-20 minutes in bed, get out of bed and go to another room. Listen to music, do relaxation, read, do a meditation or progressive muscle relaxation techniques. Don’t turn on the TV or other devices like computers or smart phones. The light from these interferes with your sleep quality and your sleep-wake cycle and stimulates your brain. The only reason to use a smart phone might be to turn on some music or a relaxation app, but have this preloaded in our phone so that you are not doing a search and download when you are desperate.

#14 Follow Through

Some of these tips will be easier to include in your daily and nightly routine than others. However, if you stick with them, your chances of achieving restful sleep will improve. That said, not all sleep problems are so easily treated and could signify the presence of a sleep disorder such as sleep apnea, restless legs syndrome, narcolepsy, or another clinical sleep problem. If your sleep difficulties don’t improve through good sleep hygiene, you may want to consult your physician or a sleep specialist.

The 5 M's

I came up with the idea of suggesting to daily attend to 5 areas rather than making a huge long list of “To Do’s” for each day, which can feel overwhelming. I find when we are dealing with anxiety or depression that we forget to take care of the most simple things that can be beneficial for our mental health. If we can make a daily practice of each of these things it can help to create some routine, consistency and can be beneficial for our mood.

These are the primary tools that will be beneficial to add to your daily practice to boost your mood and increase resiliency. 

The 5 M’s:  Medication, Merriment, Movement, Music, and Meditation 

                  Medication – This applies all the way around to the “chemicals” that your body needs/creates/and puts out.  We need a healthy chemical balance in order to assist us with our mental and overall health.  Are you taking your medications and/or supplements as prescribed?  Other parts of “medication” can also be making sure you are getting enough sleep – but not too much.  Anything over 8 could be counterproductive.  Also be sure you are getting your nutritional needs met. Watch the sugar and carb intake during this time. Elevated blood sugar levels cause us to crash. When we crash we are less able to attend to our emotional state and can become more anxious and irritable.

                  Merriment – Finding something, anything to smile about can boost our mood.  What makes you laugh or at least crack a grin?  Maybe your pets, goofy online videos, a friend or family member?  Whatever that is take the time to engage in some activity or with someone who gets you to smile. We have such awesome resources now to do live video calls with others. Take advantage of the technology we have available. I’ve even heard of people finding ways to play games with these options!) Did you know that if you practice just a half-smile when you are angry or fearful can also take the edge off?  Try it now.  Just turn the corners of your mouth up and see what happens. (Here’s my favorite cat video. I crack up every single time! )

                   Movement – Get up and MOVE!  Try this – stand up and stretch to the sky.  If you can, bend and touch your toes, then sweep your arms across your body and reach up as high as you can.  Do this several times taking a big breath when you stretch up and push the air out as you bend down.  Take a walk, do some chores, anything but sitting on the couch.  Movement creates endorphins – a feel good chemical for our body that elevates mood and decreases pain. Just because most of us are on “Shelter in place” orders it is still ok to step outside and get some sun! (You’ll be getting your vitamin D too - so you are doubling up - movement with medication!)

                  Music – Listening to music can be a mood booster as well.  Just stay away from anything sappy or that might trigger a difficult memory.  Combine Music with Movement and that’s even better!  Turn on upbeat music to energize you to do those chores you are putting off.  Use it to help you relax and get ready to sleep.  There are some great visuals you can use on Netflix called “Moving Art”.  Here’s a cool Youtube link as well.

                  Meditation – Meditation is described in the dictionary as:  (intransitive verb) 1: to engage in contemplation or reflection.  2: to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one’s breath or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness. (transitive verb) 1: to focus one’s thoughts on, reflect on or ponder over. 2: to plan or project in the mind – intend or purpose. 

                  In other words, Meditation is not simply a time of day when you sit down and focus on breath and a phrase.  It is also how you spend nearly every moment of your day.  What are you pondering?  What are you reflecting on?  What are you planning – intending to do, think, or say?  Mediation in this sense is being able to bring awareness (mindfulness) to bear on what we are thinking about.  What’s rattling around in your head as you drive somewhere, wash the dishes, sit across the table from a loved one?  Being intentional to be aware of these thoughts and if they are negative, derogatory, or judgmental towards ourselves and others bringing a little effort to considering what those thoughts are doing for us and addressing them with reframing and challenging.  For many, meditating on God’s word, scripture, can be extremely valuable. This is a great time to really dig into the Psalms. You’ll find your emotions expressed there as well as the supremacy of God over everything. Even a virus!

Below, find a chart you might want to use to help keep up with your 5 M’s. I’ve added a couple of other optional things that could be helpful as well. I highly recommend some writing/prayer time before bed each night to settle your thoughts before sleeping.

Use this chart to help you track your daily progress.

Ways to reduce anxiety

Ways to Reduce Distress or Anxiety

& Create a Sense of Calm

 During this season of orders to stay home, hearing about the spread of the Coronavirus and all that goes along with it, I thought it would be beneficial to start a blog. I’m going to be sharing tactics that I’ve already used in my practice as well as other things that I’m sure to be learning along the way. For starters - let’s talk anxiety. We’re all feeling it. It is prevalent. Here’s the good news. There are actually ways to calm down our body, thus calming our mind and our spirit. Take a look at the information below. It applies no matter what the anxiety is about.

There can often be times when you may feel emotional or physical pain and become anxious or distressed.   It is not unusual to then become dysregulated – meaning that you have difficulty managing your emotions and behaviors.  This might be anything from feeling a knot in your stomach, being unable to focus, hyperventilating, pain in the chest due to an inability to breathe sufficiently, etc.  Oftentimes the desire is do one of the 3 F’s – Fight, flight or fold.  We may lash out at others, want to jump in the car and “run away”, or retreat to our beds and pull the covers over our heads.  When we are highly anxious fear has managed to kick in.  You may even be able to realize that what you are anxious about does not warrant this response, but some of your responses may be triggered by things you are not even aware of and your brain’s ability to distinguish between threat or non-threatening has been compromised.

In order to decrease anxiety, it is helpful to address it with your body.  When the amygdala becomes dysregulated it turns on a whole cascade of physiological responses.  These include things like shortness of breath, tightness in the chest, tightness in the body, clenching the jaw, headache, etc.  We can also respond emotionally, lashing out, crying, etc.  When you can calm down your body, you can calm down your mind and think more clearly.  When we become dysregulated our Vagus system becomes engaged.  This system regulates the heart, lungs, and digestive system.  There are several techniques that we can use to calm this system. 

Finding the techniques that work best for you may take some practice.  Make it part of your daily routine to practice these skills at a minimum of once a day.  Once in the morning and once before bedtime can be very effective at developing the skills to utilize these techniques as needed during the day. 

Quick – these techniques can easily be utilized “on the go”. 

 ·      Drop your tongue to the bottom of your mouth.  You’ll find that this automatically begins to reduce the tension in your face and jaw.

·      Put a little pressure below your pinky finger.  This is the end of your vagus nerve which communicates throughout your body.

·      Put a little pressure between your with your thumb and index finger on the webbing between your other thumb and index finger.  This is also a really good technique when you are experiencing a headache.

·      Place your hand on your heart or give yourself a hug.  There is something really calming about touching the part of your body where most of us feel the most stress.

Easy – but with intention

·      Deep abdominal breathing.  Place your feet flat on the floor.  Close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing so (you can do this exercise while driving – you just need to keep your eyes open and feet active!)  Rather than breathing up and down from your chest, breathe deeply from your stomach.  Put your hand on your stomach if you’d like just to notice the extension.  Count 3 counts in, 3 counts hold, 3 counts out and 3 counts neutral.  You can increase your counts as you feel comfortable.  Be cautious to notice if doing a higher count (say 5 and up) that you could actually induce more anxiety.  Back off your counting there.  Repeat this (and the other variations) a minimum of 3 times.  5 can be more beneficial.  More than that can be helpful getting to sleep. 

Another way to practice this is rather than counting the same for the in and out breathes is to add a couple of counts to the out breath, making it deeper and fuller.  Expelling more air and blowing through your mouth, noticing that your abdominals engage.

A third variation is to not use counting at all.  Sometimes the counting can be a distraction and feels like you have to “do it right”.  Just relax and breath in deeply and hold it as you feel comfortable – not to the point of tension.  Then release out as fully as you can, again as you feel comfortable.  Don’t focus on anything but your breathing.

·      Progressive Muscle Relaxation.  Here you are going to add on another element to your deep breathing.  Sitting with your feet on the floor, hands down on your leg, as you breathe in tense your muscles up.  Make fists with your hands, curl your toes, tighten your glutes, bring your shoulders up around your ears, scrunch your face.  On the out breath and as you settle into it more relax everything.  Turn your hands to the ceiling, stretch your toes, shrug your shoulders down, relax your jaw.  Sit in that relaxed pose before repeating 3-5 times, or more as you feel it necessary.

Need a little more?  Sometimes we either can’t get in a state to be this still or things may be just too overwhelming or distressing.  Then it’s time to step up your game a bit. 

Step it Up - Very Intentional

            Utilize these techniques if you are feeling “triggered” and want to change the way you feel.  Instead of reaching for that cigarette, drinking or other coping mechanisms try one or more of these.

·      Ice Packs/Cold Shower/Facial Ice Bath.  Keep ice packs in your freezer at home or at work.  Place it on the back of your neck.  This helps to send a sort of “shock” to your system and disrupts the anxiety that your body is feeling.  You could also step into a cold shower, or make an ice bath in a large bowl and put your face in it for a few seconds at a time.

·      Intense Exercise.  Go for a run.  Do a bunch of jumping jacks or burpees if that’s your thing.  Punch a punching bag.  Your body is trying to kick into Flight/Fight/Fold.  Let it “flight” or “fight” by going doing some sort of intense exercise.  This will help to regulate your breathing and give you that release your body is looking for.

·      5 Senses.  Utilize this sitting at the DMV or in a meeting when you can’t escape.  (Also helpful for sleep.)  Think of:

o   5 things you can see

§  Clock, chairs, carpet, people, door, signs

o   4 things you can hear

§  Clock, talking, movement, music

o   3 things you can feel

§  Your clothing, feet on the floor, purse hanging on your shoulder

o   2 things you can smell

§  Building smells, perfume

o   1 thing you can taste

§  Leftover coffee breath

***A box of mints or gum are great options to utilize for a 5 senses practice.  Mints especially make a great rattle.  You might also notice the noise of unwrapping your gum.  Carrying something like this with you can be helpful in a pinch.

·      Create a Calming Kit:  Again, you might consider the 5 senses with this.  Here are a few ideas of things to carry on you or have readily available for those times and places when you are more likely to be triggered. 

o   Fidget toys – Things like stress balls to squeeze, rubik cube, silly putty or any other type of gadget that you might enjoy fooling with.

o   Fabric – This could be a piece of flannel, something silky or even leather.  If touching it brings you comfort or joy it can be helpful.

o   Stones – Pick up a stone and utilize it as a touch point.  Maybe one that you pick up on a walk or a vacation would have some meaning to you.

 Do you have other calming skills that you are using during this time? I’d like to hear about them! Post them on my Facebook page: @DeniseClevelandLCSW.